my inner soul

Resolutions

2008-08-30T23:01:00.002+08:00

Duty Officer for today. Ha..nothing much happened, just that the riots in Thailand concerns me deeply as i've friends stuck in Phuket. Hope their doing fine...

I made out a list of things i want to do:
1) Go to church regularly again (To re-discover myself)
2) Start giving tuition assignments (To earn money, to built contacts so i've some form of income during university)
3) Do charity work like i used to (Just to help those less fortunate than me)
4) Start with driving lessons (Have to la...Ha)
5) Start training for Standard Chart 42km marathon (The registration fee is $75!! So have to complete it!!!)
6) Backpacking in Vietnam

Haha..will get down to achieving them by the end of the year!! If i think of anyhting else, i'll add to the list!

"The mud on my face is soil, Our soil"

AHM, done. All 21km of it

2008-08-24T22:10:00.003+08:00

Today was the day of the Army Half Marathon Singapore Bay Run. Initially, my target was 2hr30mins, but once the run started, i felt really good, free from the chest pains that has been plagueing me the past 2 months. So i just went for it. And i'm really proud of myself that i did it in 2hr 15 mins considering this was the longest distance (21km) i have covered, and just last fri i did 16km(inclusive of chest pains thrown in) in 2 hrs.

Here's my tactic. There were several pple who wore singlets that stated "Follow me if u want to complete this race in 2hr30min". Think they got the singlets last yr if they completed in within 2hr30mins. Everytime i saw them, i just had to overtake them! Cos i wanted to finish faster than 2hr30min.

Having completed 21km, i've a newfound respect for people that actually run 42km. Its really not easy. Especially after the 16km mark. It was all mind over body from that point onwards. Your body starts to lose salt, u can't sweat(cause u lost all water content), and u shiver... I just had to will myself on! Don't really know what pushed me, but the adrenaline rush i got from completing it was well worth it. Feel like dying now though, so shagged, and my legs are crampy. Next up, 42km.

21km was a good challenge, now for the real test.

St. James Powerhouse

2008-08-18T17:08:00.003+08:00

Went to St. James Powerhouse on Saturday with 2 friends. It was a really last minute decision made a 1am in the morning while we were chilling out at her place. Really shocking for me, was dozing off in front of the television watching olympics, next moment i was in the car already gg to St. James. Place is ok, music was good.

Can tell why the beng, lian crowd really like it. Lots of girls in skimpy outfits that will take u for a pole, lots of guys that want to be taken as a pole, alcohol, no smoke. Haha, still can't get used to the no-smoking rule. But i was really bothered the whole night by the guys, who had long untidy unkempt hair that was touching their ears, and pass their eyebrows. Unacceptable! haha.

Mings and nicole want to hit zouk this sat. Don't know if i'll be joining them yet. Hope there'll be less bengs. lians are ok.

NE Trip

2008-08-18T16:42:00.004+08:00

Went to a National Education Trip with my battalion last fri, to the Newater plant at Tanah Merah. And guess what, our programme was held together with some K2 kids. Haha, it was really weird, soldiers on one side, and little kids on the other.

So we had just finished watching this introductory video screening, and when it ended, this "head teacher" suddenly stood up, looked at the kids, and said "Ok kids, in 2s, 5..4...3...2...1..". Den one army guy said "Whole lot knock it down". Hilarious. But i thought to myself, i won't be so sure that the army guys can do what the kids did, "falling in", height level, boy-girl boy-girl, in 5 seconds. Really adorable.

I finally ran 16km on Fri! Now for my 21km Army Half marathon this coming Sunday. Target: 2 hrs 30 mins

This is my sad story

2008-08-13T01:36:00.014+08:00

This is My sad story:

I was once with a girl, HL. Really happy to have you and call you mine since 220207.
I knew i loved her alot...because i found her beautiful every single day i saw her, because if not for her i would have given up on my officership dream a long time ago, because she cared for me and knew what i liked to eat, knew what i was thinking, and i always wanted to spend every single minute of my weekend with her.
I knew she loved me alot...because she always cooked the spaghetti and potato soup i loved, because she looked after me when i had the fever, because she never gave up on loving me and forgave me even though i let her down more than once. Dear, i'm sorry.

Perharps i should start with how we started off. It was the start of '07, near the end of our poly studies. I was facing a major issue in school den, i nearly had to give up everything i worked so hard for, i couldn't tell anyone. HL was always there by my side..even though she didn't really know me much at that time. I always wondered why, but i realised it was simply because she really cared, tt's the type of girl she was. I confided in her, she always reassured me, I fell in love with this girl whose heart was made of gold, and had the prettiest biggest brown eyes i've ever seen. Haha..i rmb i always found myself looking at her, den whispering in her ear "ni wei shen mo zhen mo piao liang?" Till this day, i still do that. Haha.

On the eve of Valentine's day '07, i knew that there was no one else i wanted to spend that day with but her. I bought a bouquet of red roses, went to her block downstairs, and at 1155, i called her.."Hey..guess what, i'm under ur block..come down now?" Haha..she thought i was crazy at that point in time. I always nv knew what gave me the courage, perharps it was wanting her to only spend it with me and no one else? I still remember the exact words i said to her. By the time she came down it was precisely the stroke of midnight, the start of valentine's day. I said " The reason i came is because i really wanted to see you, will you..spend today with me and be my valentine?" Haha..at the point in time, i was so afriad she would say no...when she agreed, my heart was filled with joy. Later in that day, we had dinner at Mongolian buffet at clarke quay. And i gave her a locket bracelet, a locket engraved with the words "Nic love Huilin", because i wanted the locket to represent the love that i "stored" for her, and want to treasure. She gave me a harmonica that i alway said i wanted to learn how to play... At that time, we were still not together, but i knew that she was the one i wanted to be mine..

The one yr and 5 months we spent together were filled with trials and tribulations,but joy and happiness as well. Only she could have gave me the happiness i felt, and only i hope i did the same for her as well. We shared many memories together as a couple, going to thailand, she getting into NUS, our first year anniversary, her's and mine 21st bdae celebration, our sentosa siloso resort holiday, my commissioning. Perharps i didn't show that i loved her as much as i did, perharps i didn't hug her tightly enough, often enough, but dear, my love for you, is probably the strongest i ever felt for someone. I'm sorry i didn't do more. But i hope, and know that i always wanted to bring happiness to you, to make you feel like the happiest, luckiest woman, because that's how u make me feel..the happiest luckiest man to have you.

And then, there were certain changes in our lives. Till now, i can't put my finger on it. I made a decision that i regret, that was made because something happened that really disappointed and angered me, that i felt you could say sorry for once. I broke your heart...I can only imagine the hurt you felt. I didn't know that you were sorry, i didn't know how bad you felt and how much u loved me, till i read your blog... y didn't u explain to me. I read your blog too late, and you left me too.

Now, you are with another guy. You want me to let you be, to sort it out yourself. It seems you have changed so much that it hurts. Perharps, it is only fair. But is it really? I dun know. Y did something so small, meant that i lost you to another guy...Dear, how can the HL i know be so different towards me? The girl who always said she loved me, who wanted me to spend my weekends with her only, who cooked for me, and kissed me, and bought my favourite Bengawan Solo walnut bread for me, who can stand me, how can she jus give it all up? Perharps it is my fault..but have you thought for once, that you were in the wrong too......?

To my readers:
I don't know why i'm exposing my inner feelings like this so openly. Guess its apt that my blog is entitled "My inner soul", because i have to put up a facade, a facade to show my men that i am problem-free and a strong officer, a facade to my family that i am ok, a facade to my friends that nothing is affecting me. But all these, is just a facade. By posting this, it is not that i need my friends' consolation, friends' caring words..Its a reminder to myself, to force myself to not to message or call you, to force myself to not think of you, to force myself to not look at your photos and feel sad. Because i have to give you space to do the right thing.

To the one I've loved so deeply, and still continue to do so:
If there is one thing that you can do, it is: To not to give up on us...have that little bit of hope that we can still return to the loving relationship we shared for one and half years but lost because of one small thing. To wake up, and see the one who really loves you, and whom you love. I strongly believe you still have it somewhere in you, because i felt it every second, of every minute, of every hour, of the 1 yr 5 months we were together...

Your Dar Dear always,
Nicholas Lim

The best weekend

2007-07-23T23:45:00.000+08:00

Ran a high fever in camp on last thursday, which went up to as high as 38.8 degree celsius. Thought my weekend was ruined, and i really felt like dying. My headache was throbbing, cold spells came and went over me, and i was just in alot of pain. Then my baby came over immediately after work on fri to sponge me until my temp dropped to about 37 degrees. Thanks dear, for taking such good care of me, and making me feel much better with you around. Really felt loved that u came by after work, and spent the next 2 days looking after me and making sure everything was comfortable and taking care of all my needs.

Then on sat, she brought me to Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and BBQ for dinner! Said it was my advance birthday present. For those who do not know, my birthday on the 30th of this month will be spent chiong swuay-ing. The Korean Ginseng soup was really good for my cold, instantly warmed me up. And the rest of the food was really delicious. A great place for those looking for a korean fix. Ha..must be one of the most memorable and special dinners in my life.

Dear, i feel really lucky to have you in my life. Seeing how you slowly sponged and nursed me back to health, taking care of me, waking up in the middle of the night to make sure i take my medicine, making me feel optimistic all the time, always putting me first and reserving all your weekends for me, i really appreciate it. Even though i was very sick at the start of this weekend, it will be one of the most memorable weekend i have had, for the care you have for me, and the birthday dinner you planned for me. Muack muack.

About Her

2007-04-10T13:03:00.000+08:00

"Michelle, michelle, what's ur friend's name?" That's how i knew her. And it remained that way for 3 years. The ben-nu-ren-walking-around-school-looking-so-blur-that-she-could-bang-into-a-wall-anytime..haha. but she's pretty, sexy, smart. (must balance things out in case she is reading this). heh. Anyway, i was happily attached during this 3 years, and likewise, she was happily attached too, and we were from different majors, hence we never got to knew each other. Had her for 3 years in my msn, and one day, after all the hustle and bustle of TP life, i clicked on her.......

You are unlike any girl i met before. You make me want to call u in the middle of the night..you make me wanna take the longer route when i send you home just so i talk to you for just a little longer. Sometimes, i wonder what it could've been like if we had met earlier. I'm going into army soon, so many couples have been unable to withstand this test, couples who have lasted for years, the years of memories forsaken... Especially during the 3 months confinement period in BMT. I won't be able to protect you, be there for you, to share your excitement when you enter uni, to help you realise your dreams, to tell you everything's gonna be alright.

A part of me feels like just being selfish, to ask you to stupidly wait these 2 years for me. A part of me feels that i shouldn't feel that way, as i shouldn't hold you back when in uni there will be guys, guys better for you than me. Dear, sometimes when i look at you and see how happy we are together, i feel like just putting aside all common sense to tell you to wait for me, cause i know you are the one for me. Remember u once told me it feels like a dream? I still feel that way. U have came into my life, made me a happier man (even though you are unreasonable and naughty at times), and i guess i really treasure you alot. Wo jue de wo you teng ni de ze ren, rang ni zuo zui kuai le, zui dan chun de ren. Muack.

Ah pek

2007-04-06T20:01:00.000+08:00

Was walking home late one night when i saw this old man in his 70s, hunched over, plastic bags slinged over his shoulder, with a slight dragging of his feet, on his way home too. I looked at him, trying to imagine what he was going through..

Were his shoulders hunched because of the burdens each man has to carry through his life? Was he once like us, walking tall and proud. Would the rigours of life made us frail? Maybe he didn't have anything to lo0k forward to anymore. When we are 70, do we really..really.. still have anything to look forward to? Did he have a wife to go home to? And if he did, would he still be excited to see his wife? Has his children left him to start their own family, and left him behind in their life..? Did he still have to work long hours in the day, exploited by employers who take him for cheap labour, but yet he can't gripe because he knows that society no longer values him?

I really wonder..what a 70 yr old man goes through.

The festive period

2006-12-29T15:14:00.000+08:00

Hey guys! Havent blogged in a really long time. I realised that lots of, all rather everyone who blogs, vets his/her entry after finishing them. However, just wanna let you know that my blogs are unedited, and i try to keep it as frank, as in-your-face as possible. Hence, the language and the typos.

Its the festive season again, the time of the year where the lonely feel even more lonely, the rich get poorer, the poor get poorer, the loved gets more loved, the beautiful get beautifu-er, the fat get fatter, and the realisation that all of our past year's resolutions have not been met yet again.

"what have you accomplished this year?". In life, we tend to just run through it, feeling busy, stressed, routine, feeling up through "achievements", and going through periods of downs. Look back, and wonder, are all these significant at the end of the year? What has happened the past year? Am i going to go through this year after year? Sure, we have aced exams, fucked more, drank more, made more friends, but have we become a better person out of it? or a lesser one? Is these all there is to life?

Have you enriched someone's else life? Have you became the source of happiness to someone? Have you found faith in religion? Have you found something that you are truly happy in doing? And if your answers to these questions are yes, is this year considered a fruitful year for you? i think not.

That's the nature of humans. We are always striving for perfection. But perfection is an illusion, not achievable in our lifetime. Perfection is a dream, created by memories of past granduer and seemingly glorious achievements we had. My friends, most of us are 19-22 now, 1/4 of our lives has came and gone just like that. We have gotten our degrees, our A levels, our diplomas, our gfs/bfs, but so? Next we will be striving for the car, the job, the house, and then?

I guess life's a hard journey. And when i pass away, do i want to remember it as a hard journey? When i lie on my deathbed, do i wanna sigh thinking that life's been long. The importance of life changes with age, what we wanna achieve is never ending and often changing. We may gain satisfaction and happiness out of one thing, but this feeling is temporary, and fleeting. The next day, it may no longer be of significance to us. So how then, is happiness is life gained? Or rather, how should we live our lifes so that it is "enriched"?

To me, living life is about enriching the life's of others, and not one's own life. Because more often than not, it is impossible to enrich "completely" one's own life, but possible to enrich the life's of others.
So go out there, be more selfless, be more generous, put a smile on the face of the person next to you, hug them, kiss them, hold them , comfort them, joke with them, feel for them, think like them, be less arrogant, be less unapproachable. And when they say i love you back, tt's what life is about. And that is what the festive period is about..isn't it?

When given a difficult task

2006-09-08T23:04:00.000+08:00

There's 2 ways (and hence 2 types of people) to react when given a daunting a task. One, is to give up and ridicule the difficulty involved in accomplishing the task. The other, is to take it up as a chance to shine, to lead, to show what you are made up of.. i happen to be the latter. Are u?

Research at NUS

2006-09-08T14:23:00.000+08:00

Its my 1 week break now after my final exams, before my attachment Temasek Life Sciences Lab at NUS commences next week. By the way , my principal investigator is Dr Sergei Prokopenko, and i will be carrying out research on "Molecular Pathways Regulating Cytokinesis in Drosophila Melanogaster". Oh my god, its so exciting! It involves neuroblasts( which are blast cells which develop into brain and the CNS) ( blast cells are stem cells u idiot), and how by inducing chemical and genetic mutations could affect neurogenesis. I'm elated that i got something i'm really interested in! i know people in SMU, NAPFA etc don't share my excitement, but man, i'm so looking forward to seeing whether this research life is what i would like to do for a career. And with a investigator who's name is Dr Sergei Prokopenko, man. that is a Nobel Prize winning name! haha. So it has been all good.

I was frustrated when Camy commented that i'm not doing enough with my life, and that i am a lazy bummer, and she started comparing me with her class mates who have already started their own businesses outside of school and stock trading, and giving tuition and building up their wealth and portfolio. These guys are studying in SMU, are 23+ and apparently very driven. She says i don't have dreams and targets. ( FYI, if i am studying in SMU, 23+, i would be doing the same).

How can i have a girl who doesn't believe in me? What has this 3 years meant if she didn't even know my thoughts, my dreams, what i have done, the long journey laid with difficulties i had to go through? First and foremost, currently i am a scientific researcher.. I am not a business or econs student. It is something i might pursue in the future, but for now my job is to gather scientific knowlege, perform research, be curious and intuitive about the research and study at hand. Scientific research is long, non-rewarding, tedious, and often difficult, but ultimately rewarding. For those looking for monetary rewards, this is not what you should be doing. Science is about passion, about approaching the research at hand which your knowlege and applying the knowlege which you have spent numerous nights acquiring. And this is what i am about. Money is not everything for me. It used to be, but until i realised Scientific research is about pure passion and discovering the unknown. Do you know that a typical drug takes 12 years to develop before it can be developed? And many test drugs do not even make it through the lab testing and clinical trial phase and the project must be prematurely terminated at maybe 5 years? Similarly, for stem cell research and gene expression research, there's millions of genes to explore, stem cells have great potential but are presently not well characterised, the work we do will not garner monetary rewards in the short time, but are precusors for the future development and well being of the human species. This is what i find meaningful, it's my passion. For now, i do not find buying stocks, or managing a company of 30 people, or building my investment portfolio meaningful. It is meaningless. I hope u guys understand this.

During my exams, my target was to put all my effort and time into my final exams to push up my GPA. Nothing else. For my 6 month attachment at NUS, my goal is to successfully conduct the research programme in a state of the art laboratory, interact and pick on the minds of top international professors, in addition to going to the gym more often. Sure, i may not be building up my wealth etc, but that is not my immediate aim right now! y doesn't she understand tt?

I've set targets all my life, more especially so when i left TJC and my dreams of being a medical surgeon were shattered. To all u guys, i am proud of what i have achieved. I am very proud. I finally am completing my coursework after 3 years fraught with challenges. I was so down but not out, and now i have something that i can be proud about. 3 years ago, I set my mind to making the best out of my poly studies. Most weaker beings would't have made it. Sure I may be taking a longer and slower route, but not many people realise this road is much tougher being longer, and finally i can say " YES! I did it! I've did myself and my parents proud. I've proved to my friends who have always believed in me that Nicholas da Handsome is back and rocking baby!" Nobody can take that away from me. In fact, i have received my results for 3 of my 5 papers of my final exams. I got 3 As..if i don't get any Cs for the remaining 2 subjects, my GPA would improve dramatically. Together with my attachment grade, i should have a fighting chance of getting into NUS, NTU, SMU, australian uni, uni of melb. So why are u taking this away from me?! ( this is the admission criteria for dip entry to NUS: 20% O levels, 75% Dip, 5% CCA. 20% o level!)

U say that u always see me at home slacking. But that is only for this week. This week is my onli week of rest..before my research at NUS commences. 9-630 ( 12 hr). 5 days a week, for 6 months. Do u realise that a science course is THE toughest course in any institution. The long hours we put in school? Its tougher than any business, arts course there is.

The 3 years were characterised by staying back in school till 8pm ( with my best poly mate Paul..thanks man) just to finish projects, the numerous lab reports i had to write, the weekly tests, and exams i had to crank my head through, the numerous passions such as soccer which i had to forgo. 3 long years of that, has made me stronger, and i'm proud of what i did. Sure, i still have NS and uni, but do u understand that for now, i have nearly completed my poly studies with results i can be proud of, and tell my parents and friends " u guys may be ahead of me, but i will meet u at the end?" Do u know that means alot to me, since i was deceremoniously expelled? If i think the way u do " Oh its such a long journey, it'll take up too much time, all ur friends are ahead of u", i would have killed myself and given up long ago.

I like to view myself as someone who's been through really difficult times, and worked slowly but surely through it. Sometimes i feel really old, some friends commented i look and think older than my 20 yrs of age, and i think this 3 years have really taken their toll on me. I feel tired, but I want to succeed. Life's about making the most success out of it, isn't it? Each of us only have 90 years to make a difference, so do your best. Friends and loved ones, always believe in me k.

2.4km RUN

2006-08-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

i wanted to post this up a few weeks ago, but didn't get to it..anyway here goes..

"recently been going to the gym, pumping some iron, getting into shape, pounding the pavement, so i was feeling damn fucking fit. In fact, i lost about 5 kg since i started this routine. Anyway, i decided to test out how fast i could do 2.4km, since i've became such a stud..haha. My best time was 9.5 min when i was in tjc soccer team, and we ran 5km and 10km twice weekly. So the first time i actually ran again after 3 yrs, i clocked a pussifying 12.5 mins. i was flabbergasted, thinking that i was running at too leisurely a pace and i could do better.

So 2 days later, i ran 2.4km again, at a much faster pace, thinking that it was a pace at which i felt i could push myself and yet accomplish easily. er...erm..I never made it to 2.4km.......................

Nic's philosopies 101

2006-06-24T00:52:00.000+08:00

Memories..are traces (what's left) of tears.
:
:
:
:
:
:
Agree? I do.

close to death

2006-06-24T00:24:00.000+08:00

As my place my cup of iced milo next to me, i suddenly remembered something that really freaked me out this afternoon. A fighter jet zoomed past my house today, in fact there were 2 fighter jets. And they zoomed past in their full fighter jetty glory, windows vibrating in the verge of shattering, engines screaming, mist releasing.. So wat's the big deal u may ask..tt's wat i thought too, i thought tt it wasn't a big deal, my house being near the airport.

However, a thought crept into my mind as an afterthought, what if they watched the world cup last night! oh my god! i mean i have been watching the world cup the past 2 weeks, starting from 9pm all the way to 5am. Some excellent matches have started at 3am, such as England vs Sweden, Brazil vs Japan etc. What if the pilot actually watched last night match?!?! During the hols, i've been sleeping at 5am , waking at 1pm, placing my bets, losing lots of money, feeling really sleepy the whole day.

What if...What if..What if the pilot felt sleepy?

Consolidating

2006-06-17T22:55:00.000+08:00

hey guys!
wow..i realised its been a long time since i've blogged, and many of you my friends have no idea wat i've been up to. As one becomes older, i realise we all have lots of friends in various paths and increasingly varying life journeys, and this is my way of updating u guys on what is happening in my life, and keeping you guys close to my heart. This is especially so as i haven been able to meet up with my JC mates( mingcai, nico, sharon etc) and my best mates(kai, chion, ming). Hey guys, miss you man. haha.

Hmm..currently, i am having my two week term break after my term tests. As usual, i feel so inadequately prepared, but somehow i feel that i managed to scrape thru once again. Hopefully, i get fab results man. Hmm.. ok..in my FINAL yr of biotech( biomolecular sci) in temasek poly. Man! its been a long and tough journey. Seems like a long time since i got my last certificate ( my o levels), and i am really looking forward to completing my dip, getting into army, and going into uni. Thanks all you guys out there, who always supported me even as i doubted myself and was full of regrets. I know that i can still make a name for myself (for the right reason) and fly, fly high into the skies again..if u noe wat i mean. Success is so impt to me. and i still think i have what it takes. The journey's long. the journey's tough, but i will make it to the pinnacle, for myself, for my parents, and for the people who care abt me.

I have a bad habit, the bad habit of not replying my handphone msges or accepting my friend's "invites" to clubbing, or hanging out with them. I'm sorry, i always seem pre occupied with something, but thanks for always asking, and keeping me in your thoughts. i really appreciate it. Heh.Keep asking k.Haha

Yea, i'm still working at Swissotel the Stamford, still fighting pimples, still studying hard, still fucking hard( kidding), still lame, still "think he is funny", still handsome, still have a tummy, but no longer playing soccer, and finally changing his god damn spiky boi boi hairstyle.

My GPA is 3.2 , and lots of people tell me that i have a fighting chance with NTU or NUS, but i think those people are fools. To be assured of a plce in any course there, one has to have a GPA of 3.5, which leaves me unconvinced that a place awaits me there. As if things couldn't get any worse, my final year happens to be the toughest year without a doubt, unlike other courses where the final year seems to be a breeze and people are aiming to boost their GPA ratings. The subjects that i am currently taking are Recombination Technology, Tissue Engineering, Bioprocess Technology, Drug Development and Clinical Trials, and they are really theory intensive, and the toughest subects i have ever taken. Nick, u must buckle down and kick some arse man! and get all the marks u can from the teacher, dun let him be able to minus any marks! In the words of my sec1 history teacher, Mr Khoo " Be like a sponge, SUCK all the knowledge up, and when it comes to the exam, squeeze and return all the knowledge back!"

Alright shall stop here, tag me k when u read my blog. Bye : )

Oh chion, congrats on Passing OUt le! and fulfilling ur dreams of beomcing an air force pilot! All The way man!

R21 don't read if u are below 18

2006-05-03T23:47:00.000+08:00

"u ain't gonna say too much
from the look in ur eyes
i can tell u wanna fuck
u ain't got to call me a booz
as much as u wanna fuck i wanna fuck too

no no no..

do me in a corner..
kiss my body
do me from the ass up
banging me up
fix me in the next room
can i can i
kiss u in a place the night light won't show
i take my hands and slip it at ur tighs yo

looking at ur hip
i wonder how deep i could go
i'll go places he won't go..
i just wanna go low low
and i wanna keep it slow

i wanna taste ur body
all night long
from summer all to sundown
i wanna make u mine
u heard about how it goes

i got my woman
i'm not looking fer love
just wanna make u go "er er""

haha..got u to sit up and take notice yea. Alright for goodness sake if u do not already noe this are the lyrics to the song on my blog. i dun understand how some of you who read my blog think that my blog has no muic.Every self respecting blogger puts a song to express himself in a way or another. For me, i like to find songs which are not well known or recommended by friends. This song is entitled " i wanna fuck". As i stated earlier if u are below 18 dun read this blog. This lyrics are really vulgar and it promotes casual sex and promiscous behaviour, all of which is common among pple our age( meaning 18-20). i'm not promoting it by putting up this song. But this song has a really nice tune to it. really catchy too. and the bridge is fantastically written. On ur sound speakers and listen alright!

This days, everything appears to be going for me. but i am so so so confused. yet i feel that at this time, i should keep it to myself. No one..noes the full picture...yet.

PLS DUN READ IF U CANT HANDLE THE TRUTH

2006-04-15T18:13:00.000+08:00

ooo wow.. there was a strong response to my previous post regarding orientation leadership training camp.. As such all the "deleted "deleted"deleted"on my shout box. Well, i guess everyone has his or hers on opinion about what i mentioned about oltc.. and my reply to all of you would be this is my blog, i can say what i want and what i feel.

If u can't handle the truth fuck off, dun read it, as simple as that. i suppose most of the criticism came from people from the applied science studies club, judging from the foul language used. But i have one request though, just like i have the balls to speak my genius mind, please have the balls to state your name..instead of leaving it as anonymous.

Enough with your inane moaning about how you guys already did your best, and u guys are actually not fat and ugly. This is my domain. U can blog about me in your blog if you want to, and if people actually bother reading your boring lard filled blogs, good for you.

Now to clear things up. The camp was not bad, but that doesn't mean it was well run, knowlegable or enjoyable. This is a point to point critique, which is all factual i may add, after which you studies club people can judge for yourself whether it was well ran or not:

Supper: non existent. Never have i went for a camp whose dinner was hot dog and hash brown for 2 days straight and there was no supper. Yes not even milo or biscuits for the first day.

Water: non existent. Even with the daily activities, there was no mineral water provided. Which camp doesn't emphasise on water intake.

Daily exercise: Huh?! daily exercise?does it involve just warm up exercise and 2 rounds around the track? for wat? sleep is more important don't you think

Sleep: everyday i heard the organisers moaning about how they only had 3 to 4 hrs of sleep? Is it my business?! I have been the organiser of camps before, and i ALWAYS make sure that both the participants and the executioners of the camp have plenty of rest and water. This is so they always feel alert, fresh, and enthusiastic.

Welfare: which teacher in charge of a camp tells their pupils that he is making them go on a night hunt and he is prepared to wait all through the night until all the "clues"have been found? this is about student's welfare..first and foremost

Campfire: hahaha! it was crap. Just ask any self respecting scout, ncc, npcc. Was that a campfire? it was about 15cms tall, they soaked the firewood 1 full day before, and they kept the fire burning simply by adding bags and bags of kerosene. FYI, the campfire was its best and brightest at the end of the camp..during which time they had this tribal dance which no one knew how to do ( and they still insisted on doing even though everyone wanted to do the friendship dance), and it involves you getting closer and closer to the fire( when it was at its hotest ..may i add)

Oh, and the emcee din noe how to sing campfire songs. haha. And this guy emcee started singing this love song to this girl emcee who understandably ran away. (in the middle of the campfire).

Alright, all this points to a poorly ran camp, and i hope i have convinced u fools at the Asc that you have NOT done a good job, and that there is more room for improvement.

Please understand that what i am stating should be taken constructively, and is not a personal attack against anyone in applied sci studies club. Sure the effort was there i can tell. esp from grace, deb, and chipmunk( i still duno her name), but effort does nt equate to a good camp. And thus my point: the studies club are made up of a bunch of incompetent people ( who has the potential to be good). Hugs and peace.

I noe after this post there will be another whole load of criticism, but what i would like to see is for my critics to please state ur credentials, meaning ur cca in your sec sch and your prior leadership positions.

Don't make me laugh if u are from band, softball, squash, tabe tennis or TAF CLUB.

soggy balls

2006-04-10T23:08:00.000+08:00

my meat balls got soggy today! i can't blieve it! i didn't noe that fish balls, or meat balls in my case could get soggy. They are supposed to be springy and bouncy even in soup and everything and not get soggy and flat and er not round!

was doin my usual thang( which means bumming) thinking that my mum will soon come home and fix me some lunch, when at 3, i realised that she wasn't home and had gotten a job within that 3 4 days i was away.
So i had to fix my own lunch of NTUC udon and meatballs and spiced meat cubes. The meatballs were frozen and i thought i had to boil it earlier so that i wouldnt' get soggy udon and hard rock balls. was distracted by championship manager so the balls were boiling away for abt 10 mins before i added the udon. That probably explains the soggy balls and my horrid lunch i had today. damn!

Alright as if the day didn't start of bad enough i recieved a letter from the IRA today. For those who don't noe, that's the income tax authorithies. They informed me that i earned $2000+ for 3 months last yr and i had to pay tax!
wat the fuck man! i'm a part time waiter boy who's schooling. Apparently if u earn more than a certain amount u had to pay tax! ok so i'm not gonna reply them...and if they ask me again...i'll er..pretend that the post man didn't deliver? i'm soo not gonna pay tax,,rather be thrown into jail or something.

so i'm back from the 4day 3 night oltc camp in tp and i've not learnt much. Just that the camp is really poorly ran and i don't think that the organisers really noe wat they are doing. Well, that has always been the case with applied sci studies club (kinda lik student council). I don't really noe how they select the people, but none of the folks there look lik they have any formal prior experience or training. The girls are short and fat , and they guys are tall and fat. i noe of so many friends from NCC NPCC sports scouts who have vast experience and leadership qualities who applied and where not selected. Well ditto for the earlier batches. i geuss those loser seniors didn't want any good looking fit pple to come in and be alpha cause they wouldn't be able to handle it, and hence chose those ugly fat pple so that they could still be in charge. Loser.

--+ my posts nowadays are so uninspired+--

...

2006-03-27T12:10:00.000+08:00

Alright, so i have been busy the past two weeks, busy with what, i do not really know. Probably it was just busy with bumming around, eating, exercising, going out, working. Life is such a mundance repeated occurance. It was with such optimism and big dreams that i approached my present "yr end holidays". Wanted to learn java programming, sign up for guitar lessons, earn bucketloads of dough, probably go for a brazilian wax (kidding) , working out, and going to a beach resort. Let's see what i have accomplished..java? teh..my stupid crap metal of a computer can't support, guitar lessons...teh..still considering, bucketloads of dough? let's not go into that. working out..arrrh..tt's going well, going to a beach resort...hmm..most probably pulau redang ( where xia di pao pao char was filmed) or bali.

When i told camy we should go Bali (apparently she's so smitten with it), she was like..what abt the terrorists? It got bombed twice! i nonchantly said just stay away from the americans. When we see any white people, " U! stay far far away....Bomb follow u. Don't come near me!" Probably the shop restaurant bar owners should separate their retail spaces into 'americans' and 'asians', Just so that terrorists know where to bomb, and hence will noe affect day to day lifes of the innocent. (asians). I bet you, that tourist arrivals, and revenue will no doubt increase.

Recently watched russian dolls..no its not some porno flick. but rather a french romance movie. Damn, it was such a disppointment, well because i thought it was a porno flick. haha. Ok, being a M18 show there were ltosa boops and dicks flying across the screen..but man, the french can'tt make a movie for nuts. Can't remember much about it though (tt's how bad it was), except that the main guy, this hairy skinny guy who most probably can't get a single date in singapore has his rodstroked practically every half an hour(of the movie tt is), by every single imaginable woman. Black, scriptwriter, supermodel, friend. I wonder how it is to do it with blacks. ok..tt's of out the point. But yea.. i remeber one line distinctly though...abt love, no less. "everyone's imperfect. Nobody's perfect. But ur imperfections are perfect for me." wa...melt melt melt. Oh btw, he proceeded to take a train to fuck the supermodel. (another girl)
rating: 3 popcorns. watch it only if your english is as good as mine, watch it if u prefer love flicks to the latest hot comedy, oscar winning action movie, soaping korean tear jerkers, and porno.

Man this is such an aimless post. Hope u liked it. haha

Exercising my man breasts

2006-03-10T16:41:00.000+08:00

Ok i've got a confession to make. I wasn't my sexy muscular self when i was younger. In fact i weighed in a humongous 75kg when i was in sec1 and sec 2. Vut hey, i guess fat people don't ever realise they were fat. I guess i didn't. When i was in the soccer team, i was one of the fatest..i mean fastest..really.. and whacked the ball the hardest, so i couldn't have be fat, could i? i mean fat people are fat and blobbish and have huge asses and man breasts..well i wasn't lik that right? It was not until one day when i took nude photos of myself and oh migosh..i had breasts..haha!! and it looked totally horrible, not like the kind girls have which u would like to cup in your hands. And i realised, oh man i have to get out of the depressed state where no girl would give a hoot about me( hey i was in sec 2..hormones raging and girls and pornography were important) (i had broken up with my first love and was depressed and didn't know how to control it. I was skinny in pri sch k. So skinny that...that..u wouldn't believe how skinny i was).

Alright, so back to the story. If i was gonna be the stud and a handsome guy in the future lik i am now..(ok haha), i gotta work out! And worked out did nicky boy. I did 200 situps, 30 pushups, 50 chest expanders 2X a day. And lo and behold, i could've put marie france bodyline to shape. I lost 20kg within a month. No bullshit. I maintained this exercise regime throughout sec sch all the way to JC..where of course i was in peak shape.

But now ..now..poly cultures an unhealthy way of living. i have regained my weight of 75 kg, look grossly out of shape, ahd have chubby cheeks. Some people still think i look hunkish and broad probably because of my built, but trust me ..i'm not in as good a shape as u make me out to be. Looking at my photos from a yr ago and now, i look different. I dun think i would be able to attract just about any girl now, unlike last year. So as of today i decided to restart my exercise regime of 2 repetitions of 50 situps and 30 pushups and 60 chest expanders on each hand, with a 5 minute break between each repetition, and i'll do this 2X a day.Show u my chest next time yea. give me a month. woo~ oh by the way, i dun believe in going to the gym.

--+*say my name say my name*+--

warning. this is long.

2006-03-03T00:56:00.000+08:00

hey boys hey girls, back after 2 months of obscurity and insignificant existence of mugging! Glad that the exams are finally over, and hope that i actually do decently well to maintain my gpa of 3.2. Just hoping that it doesn't drop as this years papers have given me no reason to be cocky, unlike previous years. For those who don't know, the subjects i have taken this semester are applied microbiology, analytical biochemistry, haemotology, mammalian cell tech, and molecular biology. Abeilt for mct and abchm, the rest doesn't give me a sense of optimism. In fact, i may even fail my first paper in my whole poly life, applied micro. Oh well, i'll keep u guys updated.

Heh, one of my close friends commented that the website i designed for my school was "fucking good". haha, thanks and was pleasantly surprised coming from one my biggest and ugliest critics chion chiat. heh..kidding. anyway he suggested viewing all the big listed MNCs (multi national corporation) websites, and for those with ugly websites(can't think of another word to describe ugly..indecent? unpleasant? ok. ugly), i could call them up and they would be more than happy to pay for their websites to be changed. hey, that's a stroke of genius brudder. din think of that. anyway, in the words of my amic loh gin hin, "i'll take note and grade accordingly". ( <--this is an insider joke. if u do not understand, it does not necessarily make u dumb). Alright, yesterday was the day my friends got their A level grades. And as usual, it was a day of reflection for me. Last year, one batch of friends got their grades. I was from the batch of 2003.meaning that i was retained for a year in tjc, before leaving for temasek poly. This year, i visited my friends in tj after they got their results, and amid the beaming faces and mandatory congratulations, i felt slightly depressed. My close friends all did really well, especially yiming and the usual nico ming cai etc. special word of congrats to ming with got AAC B3 (GP). Ming is one of the four really close friends of mine who came up with me from VS to tjc, one of the 4 VS leng zais.. haha. Last yar, kai got his results which was ABB. it seriously made me ponder what i would have gotten. I noe that i have blogged about my regrets about leaving tjc in the past, and i noe that i have claimed to have overcame it a better stronger person, but yet..will this be a regret for life?? this plays in my mind alot.

Yesterday i took the bus together with ming after playing soccer.. which was after he collected his results. I remebered it was not too long ago i got the highest among 4 of us for both psle and o levels. And yet it is me, who has the bleakest future. Can anyone convince me otherwise? becos of this, i feel lik a failure sometimes. I noe kai is gonna do business in SMU, ming is gona do accounting in NTU, and chion is gonna do...( eh boy,wat u gonna do ar?) What about me? How can the person who got highest for o levels be at such a level now? What would i have gotten? surely if those people can get As and Bs..surely i can do that too? Why din i fucking wake up earlier!? WHy? Why? Will this be the biggest regret of my life? Will i be a laboratory researcher with a starting pay of only $1800? Will i be old and at a disadvantage when i finally establish my career? Will my friends look down on me? Will i be rich?

All these play in my head. I really wanna make it big, success means so much to me. Its indescribable. As such, to overcome my deficiencies, i've strove to make myself more knowledgeable. Along the way, i've strove for the leadership positions which suddenly seemed more importand to me, picked up skills lik web publishing and animation. but yet it seems it isn't enough. I will never be satisfied with the diploma i'm taking. How can i be?

Lately, i've began to wonder if i could retake my A levels as a private candidate with the mentality of "if they can do it, y can't i?" Or maybe a part time diploma in business or accounting in addition to my biomed dip. I wanna do a business degree hopefully in smu. it seems to have became an obsession of mine. Yesterday , i chanced upon TMC academy, and subconsciously i walked in. They were offering business courses from MONASH university ( one of the big five unis in aust). It would take a 8 month dip 2 and a further 2 yrs to get a degree, all for 38k. Sounds good yea. It seemed viable. However the 8 month prep course could only be done full time. This is not in accordance of my plans which is to take part time dip concurrently with my biomed dip ( of which i am in yr 3). As such, i may enquire about a degree in accountancy from acca, which is the national accredition association for accountants. This is could be done part time. Alright, mental note to myself to check this out. Stay tune for further info. cheers and out. nic.

--+"will this be the biggest regret of my life"+--

2006-02-09T22:46:00.000+08:00

This blog has not been updated for the past 2 weeks and will continue to not be updated for the next two weeks as i prepare for my exams. wish me luck, pray for me, and miss me. cheers.

WEB DESIGNER

2006-01-26T13:09:00.000+08:00

hey guys..recently been busy with projects quizes and stuff..but wat's new. It's such a mundane busy non existant life of a sci student that i am. Exams are in 3 weeks! freaking 3 weeks! and i haven started studying even though there's tons of notes waiting fer my godly touch. Chinese New yr's gonna take up 3 days of my time, so that leaves me with minimal time for my studies. Anyway, i will be going vietnam this coming holidays again. Haha..it'll be my wat..3rd or 4th time there, simply love the coumtry and its people. This time will be there for a kayaking expenditure on the pearly white shores of Halong Bay for 5 days, and possibly a trek. Damn, my pops refuse to finance my trip, so this the money fer this trip will come entirely up of my pocket. Freaking 900 bucks! Anyone wanna sponsor? i'll wear your name on my chest. but more about that in my next blog.

Alright one thing that i've recently accomplished was the set up of my sch's chem engineering webpage! so proud of myself. One step closer to the setting up of my online business. The webpage looks pretty cool, check it out k. Go to http://www-as.tp.edu.sg/, click on chem engineering, and u're end up on the screen shot i have here. click on more information for both career opportunities or course overview more information..and hey presto.. the webpages designed by yours sincerely. Haha..one more item to go under my jobs list..student, waiter, guest relations, model, soccer player, future researcher or doctor, WEB DESIGNER..voa..Give my ur comments k! maybe i can set up a online business designing web pages! yea! Hope to do a few creative ones in the future, instead of just professional ones.

Today i found out, that when u sneeze, ur asshole and ur bladder sphincter automatically closes up. This is to prevent discharge. So theoratically, u can't shit while sneezing. Don't ask me how i found out and don't..don't try this at home.

Catch me if you can..naked

2006-01-14T00:59:00.000+08:00

Yesterday, which was a thursday, i read this article on the Newpaper which i thought was really ridiculous! It was about a man getting arrested because he walked around naked in his own home. I din noe tt was an offence. It's pure dumbness! Now the ang mohs will have one more issue to laugh at us : "No smoking" "No spitting", "No walking around naked in your house". I guess that's just the way our society is, the traditional confucianism society that most asian countries are.

This reminds me of another issue i recently read about. George Soros, world renowned investor and a mover in the financial world was asked if he thought Singapore was an open society. He deftly replied " Absolutely not". And mind you, he said that in front of singapore government officials, including PAP members. And u noe what the moderatorof the forum, who "just happened" to be a ex-PAP member, said in reply? "We are open enough. Otherwise you will not have been able to make that comment in raffles city convention centre in front of so many singaporeans." Dear Mr Soros, u can criticise singapore's government, but just dun let others see you in your full glory at home.

Personally, i feel that the woman who repeatedly caught him naked and made the police report should be the one arrested instead. She is obviously a peeping tom! What is she doing looking out the window at 630 in the morning?! That poor soul was just changing for work. He looked out the window, which i consider a absolutely harmless act, to see if any one was looking when he took off all his clothes to change. Imagine if the roles were switched. A woman taking off her clothes, in the "privacy" of her own room, and a man called the police to say the he had repeatedly "caught" the woman naked around the house. Guess who will be arrested instead? haha. "Hello Hello mr police man? Every morning, i see this woman looking out the room to see if anyone is looking, before watching her take off all her clothes and walking around in her room, before putting on her clothes for work. I do this every morning, after breakfast. " Puts things into perspective doesn't it?

Surely all of us are guilty of walking naked around our house before? Every morning, i strip. And before i do that, i look out the window to see that NO one is watching, before taking my clothes off. Everyone one of us has this nudist exhibitionist streak in us. Hell, I look in the mirror to see how fucking good i look naked. Sometimes, when no one is not at home, and i forgot to take soap or towel, i would run out of the bathroom, naked and absolutely freezing. Am i guilty of being a pervert then?

The woman caught the man performing lewd acts. What? Masturbation? In his own room? Hey man, i see nothing wrong with that. Where else is he to masturbate? In a forest? Got bugs la. Come on, this is one whole silly affair. And i feel absolutely silly blogging about this.

--+ S-U-R-P-R-I-S-E +--

2005: a review

2006-01-10T17:50:00.000+08:00

wa ka li kong..wa si leng zai..Ok..Enough of the crap. Its 10 days past the new year, and I realised I've not written any resolutions of this new year or reviewed my past year. Well, its the dawn of 2006 and i must admit, it doesn't really signify any new beginnings, rather it'll be a continuation of what I've done and achieved in the yr 2005. But hey! I'm gonna look back on 2005 and approach onto 2006 with optimism
2005:
Love life: Well my love life has been pretty down and up, as usual. And this was the year I realised who is really suitable for me, and its time for me to settle down. Ever since my first girl friend when I was in pri 6, i have met several girls who have made an impact in my life. After 2 gfs in quick succession in the beginning of the year, I've been on a dry run ever since, not getting into any relationships. My friends used to say that i will never be able to survive without a girl, such are the needs of my emotional, physical ,and sexual tendencies. However, what i have learnt is that it is indeed possible to be happy single, cherish friends, and spend more time understanding my family. For the past 10 months of 2005, I've been single. Which is a record for me. At first, i questioned myself,have i changed, have i grown uglier or something? But i soon realised, it was a subconscious part of me which never looked for a new girlfriend, who was really happy being single. I rejected a few girls, and even though sometimes iliac back and whether what might have been, i know that i made a right choice, that is remainding single, and being able to fuck around.
Anyway, i would like to thank the 2 girls who were lucky enough to be mine:
melissa: u were a hottie, and i know that you are not the wild girl you appear on the outside. Sometimes, it is you who is more important, and you got to stay true to yourself and not care about what others say. I really hope you finally found someone good for you, and continue loving your family, your dog, and life.Miss the times we loved to eat crystal jade together.
serene: man, i lost your handphone number. Been looking to contact you. But well.. Thanks for the 2 months you were with me. You are unlike anyone i have ever met. She's beautiful, smart, cute. I just noe you will do well in you A levels and move on to greater things in life. Good luck k.

Well, recently, i realised that only one girl meant the most, if not anything to me at all. She's Camy, and she's the love of my life. We are just able to bring a smile to each other's face all the time. Sometimes, i know where i stand. I'm 19, in poly while you are in university, have one more year to go, den have to serve my country , and by the time i finish my university degree, we'll both be 26. And you would have been in the working world for 2 yrs plus. Hmm..Maybe this is what will eventually separate us in the end. I know there are a lot of smarter, richer, nicer guys out there who are more suitable for you. Maybe this will be a true test of our love. But i can tell u this, there's no one I've ever loved more than you.. But maybe, it'll not be strong enough. I pray otherwise k. Thanks dear for everything.

In school!
Well, this was the year i finally gave up regretting not completing my A levels. This year, hasn't been perfect in terms of grades. My GPA is 3.2,far away from the GPA of 3.5 required to get into NUS. Maybe it's time for me to stop dreaming, maybe its time to stop my fantasies? Well, I've became rather disenchantment with the way my poly life is going. My grades haven't been good enough. My teachers and fellow students and even me myself believe I've the intelligence, and I've been working hard, but yet the occasional C still pops out to ruin my transcript. Well, Nicholas, you gotta work harder. Don't give up! Don't spend soo much time on your computer. Imagine if you put the time u spend on the com to your studying, how your grades will improve!? Nicholas, stay focused! You have got only 1 more year to go! Surely you can give a final push!? Keep your head high and work hard!!
Just received my term test results:
analytical biochem: 25/40
haemotology:80%
molecular biology: 37/40
microbioligy 90%
Well, i seriously thought my grades were a fluke, cause i seriously din study much. But Nick, this is no reason for you to get complacent..Study harder!

Social life: As i mentioned, this was the year i put in more effort into friendships. Met a lot of clubbing khakis, poly mates, and other interesting people who i had the pleasure of a friendship. I would like to bring up a few names for special thanks:
kai: my "don't meet often, don't speak often" best buddy. You a still my best bud, and i noe u will always be there for me. Really hope you are doing well in police academy, we'll still earn out million soon!
ming: eh eh commando sia. Haha..Never catch up with me before gg in. Well, stay healthy and safe. You are one hell of a dependable guy. Stay cool. miss yer dude.
chion: the only one not in army, besides me la.. haha. Love reading your blog. Gives me lotsa insights i nv knew about you. Well pal, miss the stayovers at your house with kai . Crapping khaki.
Paul: my best bud in poly. What will poly life be without you. Have been spending 2 yrs in poly with you le..Wow..The ups and downs, the complains, long project hours where we stayed in com lab till 8pm, our AAGH,,SHIITT, LATE to each other in the mornings. haha..Thanks bro.
my ab19 khakis: it has been a pleasure being class chairman for all of you, having all of you has my friends. AB19 is is known as the notorious class, but i think we should be known as the adorables.
As usual: sharon nico, adora. Keep us updated k
my JC classmates: stay healthy . let's catch up once in a while. Those in army le, take care brothers.
And for the many i din mention..Thanks and good luck for your future endeavors!

My resolution for 2006!
Study hard, play hard, shag less..But if shag, shag hard
Get my motorbike!
Build closer ties with my family, i love you.
Spend more time with my grand mother and grandfather.
Get good grades for yr 2 sem 2 and yr 3..Average Bs
Spend more time with dear, show her i love her more.
Get my weight down from 73 to 70..Build muscle mass, and regain that exercise routine
play soccer more often,,you were my wife bitch, now get back to me
Limit myself to 2hrs on the comp per day
Leave long hair
Set up my first online business venture.
Take a part time business diploma

--+hallelujah!+--

Updated sealed and signed

2006-01-10T00:26:00.000+08:00

Hey peeps, sorry for not updating my blog! been really caught up with stuff and just plain lazy, but from now onwards i should regularly update my blog, otherwise it'll be defeating the purpose of having a blog if i just leave it there. Alright i just heard a really funny anecdote from Camy today. It went like that, "when i look at my tummy, i pinch it, i look at it, and i think that i really should do something about it. But when YOU look at your tummy, u look at it and you go "oh wow, i'm still so handsome!" hahahaha..really amusing yea.

Many people have asked me why i choose to name my blog and my friendster username as nicryanlim? well, the reason is because i simply lik the name ryan. And if one day i should i have a son, his name will be ryan. Even his chinese name has been thought of and meaningfully selected. Ryan Lim Jian Feng, thy son shall be named. When i pass, my tombstone shall read Nic the Magnificent. It has all been planned.

--+ the ego has landed +---

Busy baby

2005-12-09T21:33:00.000+08:00

Wow..its been a long time since i updated my "webpage"..chey.."webpage" sia. haha. Been really busy and caught up with alot of stuff. sorry to those i couldn't make time for k. For a fully detailed report on what i have been up to, please read on:

-Analytical Biochemistry PBL Floursecense in situ hybridisation and Ultracentrifugation notes and report (due next mon)
-Applied Microbiology quiz
-Molecular Biology quiz
-Haematology tutorial quiz and quiz
-Analytical Biochemistry quiz
-Liasing with Singapore Disabled Welfare Home for volunteer work on behalf of temasek poly
-Discussion of plans for setting up of ASC homepage and website

Now fer a list of apologies:
nico and sharon bdae..Happy birthday my ladies! Wat!ming and chion drove you before i even got a ride?
Gwen harry potter. k now i owe u harry potter and corspe bride
Hui qian..so sorry..busy with stuff...k k once u get back from perth..we're go out k. i want my hk and perth present!
Shit sia..y all girls? k k must thing of some guys..hmm..
k ming and chion and kai..can't go boogeying with you..U guys have fun with the ladies first yea..
Deyong..retired "gracefully" from soccer la

Yea..so its been 2 weeks since i last updated my blog. As usual,my life's full of ups and downs. Went clubbing on brandon's birthday on the 18/11 with the usual gang. Was late as i had dinner with my Global Citizenship Vietnam friends at chinatown. By the time i reached his birthday party at 12, he was spent! And this fat girl had him in her arms..eeeeee...i bet the girl had a great time stroking his hair and nursing him. i pity him..seriously. haha. But the free flow of drinks was greatly welcomed. Thanks dude. Anyway,i was boggeying in my embarassing array of moves when huiqian suddenly grabbed my head and gave me a full blown smooch for something lik 10s? I felt myself getting hot and bothered..becos i was blushing. Oie wat u thinking? I was er..shocked? yea..anyway for those who don't know who huiqian is..she's a piece of art. To think of it, she kinda looks lik mona lisa. She's tall, beautiful, has a great figure, and she kissed me. That was a memory..maybe she was drunk. haha.

Another significant memory of the past two weeks was when my haematology lecturer suddenly enquired about my gpa. (gpa is the score used for entry into universities of as a form of grading in tertiary instituitons. 4 is the best. 1 gives u the distinguishment of total failures. 3.5 got u into the director's list, e top 5 % of your cohort). I answered sheepishly that mine was 3.19. He stared a me and said:" What? For someone your standard you should be aiming to get into director's list!" I replied :" sir, its not that easy you noe." He then said," You are a very smart guy, but u lack the focus. Someone lik your stature should be scoring straight As". And as i walked away, it struck me as to the numerous people who have said that sentence to me since i was a young kid. My pri6 form teacher..ms "bai kai" teo, my sec 2 form teacher.."ms yvonee chung"..my Victoria School discipline master Mr maram and mr chan ( we're buddies man), and my tjc maths teacher and counsellor(yes i needed one) Mrs __ erm i forgot her name, but i liked her alot. I told my friends about wat my haem teacher just said, and they told me .."u are lidat wat. it's just that u are lazy" "u cannot be compared when it comes to memorising stuff". I have never thought of myself in the way that my friends and teachers think of me. Sometimes i even wished they never said that about it..cos i'll fly, my ego will rise, and i'll think that i'm the smartest guy in the world. But it still feels nice that people think that way about me, especially my teachers. But one think most people do not know, is that my parents think the total opposite of them. My parents think the worst of me, they dismissed my psle and o level results as flukes, and they are my biggest critics. I think that maybe, they are actually helping me by putting me down, by reminding me that i am not where i am if i didn't work hard. And that hard work and discipline is neccessary to suceed.

As term tests draw closer, i guess writing this reminds me that studies is and should be my no.1 priority in life. Nic..dun slack off..study hard. Don't repeat the mistakes u made before. Nic remember your values.. Hard work will always be rewarded. What u put in in terms of hard work will be seen in your results. Don't give yourself the chance to regret by putting in 100%. YOu want to do well, What's the point in having potential if you don't work hard?!... k after this..i will keep this thoughts in my head as i proceed with my studies for the next one whole week! come on nick! studying is fun!

hey this is my blog..i'm not siao k.

--+ Alcohol gives me colour, studying gives me brains +--

Your Sincerely, NIC

2005-11-30T12:12:00.000+08:00

Met u in the dawn of 1996
Was the naughtiest boy and you were the smartest girl
All i remember was me bullying you
And teasing u about your curls
Met u..the girl of my dreams
In the dawn of 1996

I thank you..for being mine
the day u became my girl friend
the day u became my lover
the day u became my wife
i thank u for the 3 yrs u were mine

I guess..it was a matter of time before u left me
The way i treated u..
Maybe it wasn't really meant to be
Maybe there's isn't you and me

I really thought you will always be there for me
Even when we were not together
I always thought u will always love me
Even when you left me
I always thought u will always love me
And my childish mind told me that one day we will marry

But now u have another guy
And when u told me i wasn't the one you wanted to marry
My whole world came crushing down
When my views were no longer the most important
When u didn't listen to me
When i wasn't the one who makes u smile
I realised..my whole world was you.

--+ time opens our eyes where we previously thought we cannot see, time tells +--

I pray for u

2005-11-13T21:12:00.002+08:00

L
ast night, I went clubbing with jasilyn, huiqian, michelle, and what's his name. Ha..Actually went to zouk, and it was the worst clubbing experience ever. Firstly, e tickets cost $28 (fuck!)and the music was trance house music the whole night( fuck!). E words of the song were non-existent, except for the periodicWITCH DOCTOR..so it went something like... pom pom pom pom pom pom pom

..e witchdoctor! pom pom pom pom pom pom ..e witchdoctor! pom pom pom pom pom pom..e witchdoctor. Yea, u get the idea yea....e witchdoctor! Phuture was no better..It sounded like..Puke-ture.
TCS actor Allan Wu was there, and he looked short. However, him going to a club like that? It shows his taste yea? If I have wong li lin for a wife..I'll be screwing her every night! However, he was shaking his bons bons to ..e witchdoctor! haha.
we left the club at like 5am. Went back to huiqian's house ( no..I was not alone) and we drove out in her family's car. How cool is
that? haha. Initially Was worried for the safety of my health, we had 2 jugs of vodka-ribena, 6 tequila's, 2 e33. Any of us would fail the breathelyser test. But she droved really slowly! Was concerned that the police would catch us because we were driving so safely. 5am at night, attractive teenagers with red faces, and driving so safely. Confirm drunk!! yea..Met her friend bobby there. BOBBY! He is the owner of the only yellow lamborghini in Singapore, and he likes to say " my car cost more than your house". My response to this.. "teet teet teet teet teet". censored. He's this disgustingly fat slob of an Indian guy who's uncouthed. Well, lick my Chinese *alls. Oops. Being rich doesn't give you a right to look down on others. You are not where you are today without your parents.Ok, I feel very unconvinced with the moral words I just said. Haha..k la..Good for you la.. I dun mind licking your Indian balls for your car. Na. kidding. seriously.

When I was online this evening, a friend of mine actually asked me out for a day of fishing, and she asked if I know how to. The only fishing memory of mine was that was I was a little boy of 7 years, being taken fishing by his papa at pasir ris park! That is a memory I'll forever remember and cherish. I wonder if my father remembers this as well, I certainly hope he does. Well, that day, I remembered we caught 2 big fish! He told me it was a garoupa. And from that day on, it became the only fish that I liked to it. Cause I remember my father holding my hands reeking in the fishing line, and it was the proudest happiest moment of my life, hope it was for him too.. Cheers dad

--+ You are all that I ever know+--

THIS SONG..I SING FER U

2005-11-12T13:58:00.000+08:00

All My Life
I'm So Glad...
I Will Never Find Another Lover
Sweeter Than You Sweeter Than You
And I Will Never Find Another Lover
More Precious Than You More Precious Than You

Girl You Are..
You Are The Only One ..My Everything
And For You This Song I Sing....

All My Life
I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Thank God That I..
That I Finally Found You
All My Life I Prayed For Someone Like You
And I Hope That You Feel The Same Way Too
Yes, I Pray That You Do Love Me Too

Said I Promise To Never Fall In Love
With A Stranger
You're All I'm Thinking Of
I Praise The Lord Above
For Sending Me Your Love
I Cherish Every Hug
I Really Love You

When You Smile
All My Face Always Seems To Glow,
You Turn My Life Around,
You Pick Me Up When I Was Down,
You're All That I Ever Know
And I Hope..
That You Feel The Same Way Too

HEARTBREAKER

2005-11-10T18:35:00.000+08:00

Sometimes this guy's fine, sweet and show some signs of maturity for his age fortunately. I pretty much appreciate that side of him. Sometimes, he just falls in love too easily, and fall out of love easily. the egoistic, not-so-manly side of him surface at times though.but deep down, he's not that bad a jerk really. Just wanna say i appreciate knowing you.

hopefully we can still remain at that stage where im the complain queen and you're the uncle agony.Take care nicholas and dun break any more girls' hearts. you can never make up for it." ---testimonial from sharon on friendster

2 days after my previous post, my friend( who read that post) posted this shit fer my testimonial. I felt like rejecting it. Previously in my post, i wrote that me going around breaking girls' heart is a serious misconception of me. And she had to write something lik that again? Considering that she's one of my closest gal friends, i was pissed, to say the least. I do not know when i started having "heartbreaker" tag, but it had stayed with me ever since.

Honestly, at the beginning , i took this tag as an compliment, but now it only serves to irritate. Hence, i confonted her about this tag..she said its just the impression i give people, the way i "let girls into my life, the many girls i let influence my life". My response is.." WHAT?!" Heartbreaker has been single for 8 months now. I definitely do not flirt..so this tag really gotta go. I think of myself as attractive but just decently handsome. Her comments mirrored something 2 close class gal friends of mine( claire and christine) said to me. They said that i had a fling face, and that they would get together with me only for a 2-3 month fling..

Hell, these 2 girls are like the 2 prettiest girls in my sch, mayb to any average joe, he'll be flying to the moon after hearing this, but it just felt really insulting to me. I'm sure they meant it as a passing comment( they were drinking alcohol la..haha), but that comment remained stuck in my thoughts. True, maybe for the past 2 years,i've been changing girl friends like i changed my underwear ( which is once every month..kidding), but i realised the there's nothing more i want than to meet the right girl..at the right time.

I may have rejected a few within this period. However, in this period, i've had my heart shattered three times. I may have played it cool and unaffected, but deep down, i was hurting and heartbroken. In my lifetime, I've met 3 girls i really thought that i could give all my heart to and yet it hasn't turned out the way i want it to be. Maybe its just the type of girls that i have this feelin towards... cute, noisy, happy go lucky, pretty, simple, hurt, kind. It's just the way that she makes me feel, to want to take care of her, hug her, and charm her with sweet simple little things. But sadly, the girls i loved all seemed to be in a relationship, or just out of it. I jump into this type of relationship knowing that i'll be the one who'll get hurt in the end, but yet i just feel an overwhelming and uncoditional need to truly love u, because i don't want you to feel hurt again, and i want you to have a smile on your face when u see me in the day, and when u put down the phone, having heard me wispher "dear, good night" to you..

--*When someone appreciates you and wants to make you his first priority, one should learn how to appreciate*--

The 2 faces of me

2005-11-08T19:34:00.000+08:00

The past few days, i've been putting in the hours searching for the perfect blog skin, a song that represented me, fitting an image of me into the right frame. Finally, when I was satisfied with everything, i realised that everything about the set up and asthetics of this blog was so unlike me, it felt like i was upholding my image once again.

The uber cool skin, the clubbing "pom-pom-pom" background music, the bad boy image of me, that has subconsciously become part of me. Have i became a two -aced person? Has the me of the past became a better person? Or has the present me been a eviler, more selfish facade of me? Seriously, are all of us putting up a font? The girl who means most in my life, my ex-gf of 2 yrs, camy, feels that i've changed. The memory of her crying when we broke up, saying that i've became someone she does not recognise anymore, has always remained with me. I guess that sometimes, I've to reflect on who I'm becoming, and to stay true.

Is this facade of mine a bad thing? I hate certain ways people think about me, such as me being flirtatious, me being superficial, having fab girlfriends that guys will die for, love clubbing. Alright, having bootilicious babes is a fact la..haha..but the rest..are serious misconceptions about me.

Yesterday, girl "G" asked me, "What did i do to deserve my best friends? " She was crying. I told her that best friends are people who will always there for you, that's why they are your best friends. It doesn't matter if u do not keep in contact, once u call them out for a drink, or a movie, they will definitely say yes. If u need help, they will help u even though u haven't been keeping contact with them. I was surprised with what i had just said. It made me think of my "supposed" best friends, yee kai( in NS), chion chiat and yiming (tjc yr 2). As I grow older, I realise that my friends and I are leading increasingly different lifes. But yet, i know that they'll be there for me in times of need. I've had lotsa gfs in my life, as such i've been rejecting my friend's invites, just to spend time with my gfs. But yet, they do not stop asking me out. I know that they will be there for me, I'll be there for them. And for that, i really wanna thank yee kai, yiming, chion chiat. Especially Y.K., who has shared 10 yrs of my life with me, thanks brudder!

++This sounds damn gay..but friends forever k.++

Page 1 of me

2005-11-07T10:49:00.000+08:00

Recently, there's many things gg through my mind..Things which I usually keep private. Yer noe..I used to think that guys shouldn't have blogs, and they should just keep their feelings and thoughts to themselves, because ,well they are guys!Furthermore, I never liked letting my true feelings be known, because it'll show my incompleteness, and I'm not sure if I'm willing to show that( my ego la). Everything upsetting that has happened in my life, I want to hide it, because I know that if I bring it up or share it..It'll just hurt me. Don't u think tt's true for you too? Hiding something, building big walls, so that you u drop one less tear?

Recently, I read 2 of my guy friends' blogs (chion and samuel)..and I learnt things about them which I din noe..er..such as their english is not as shitty as i thought it was..and they are not dumb fucks..haha! Na, frankly speaking, i guess i enjoy readin your blogs, because i never knew you had such deep thoughts which opened thoughts in me.. As such, i would lik to hopefully emulate the deepeness and fankness of yyour blogs..and thus titled my blog, "my innner soul".

Upon deciding to start this blog..i guess i'll lik to set out certain objectives.. to share my thoughts on happenings in my llife, to keep it as frank and as honest as possible ( note: "As possible"..dun wanna get fucking sued.) , to reflect my mood for the day, and for you guys to give me comments yea! Oh, and anyone who wanna help me design my blog is gratefully welcomed!

--* A chapter has been opened..a chapter not previously released*--