+|| Inner SoUL of Spiky ME ||+

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Saturday, August 30, 2008
11:01 PM

Resolutions

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 11:01 PM

Duty Officer for today. Ha..nothing much happened, just that the riots in Thailand concerns me deeply as i've friends stuck in Phuket. Hope their doing fine...

I made out a list of things i want to do:
1) Go to church regularly again (To re-discover myself)
2) Start giving tuition assignments (To earn money, to built contacts so i've some form of income during university)
3) Do charity work like i used to (Just to help those less fortunate than me)
4) Start with driving lessons (Have to la...Ha)
5) Start training for Standard Chart 42km marathon (The registration fee is $75!! So have to complete it!!!)
6) Backpacking in Vietnam

Haha..will get down to achieving them by the end of the year!! If i think of anyhting else, i'll add to the list!

"The mud on my face is soil, Our soil"

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Sunday, August 24, 2008
10:10 PM

AHM, done. All 21km of it

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 10:10 PM

Today was the day of the Army Half Marathon Singapore Bay Run. Initially, my target was 2hr30mins, but once the run started, i felt really good, free from the chest pains that has been plagueing me the past 2 months. So i just went for it. And i'm really proud of myself that i did it in 2hr 15 mins considering this was the longest distance (21km) i have covered, and just last fri i did 16km(inclusive of chest pains thrown in) in 2 hrs.

Here's my tactic. There were several pple who wore singlets that stated "Follow me if u want to complete this race in 2hr30min". Think they got the singlets last yr if they completed in within 2hr30mins. Everytime i saw them, i just had to overtake them! Cos i wanted to finish faster than 2hr30min.

Having completed 21km, i've a newfound respect for people that actually run 42km. Its really not easy. Especially after the 16km mark. It was all mind over body from that point onwards. Your body starts to lose salt, u can't sweat(cause u lost all water content), and u shiver... I just had to will myself on! Don't really know what pushed me, but the adrenaline rush i got from completing it was well worth it. Feel like dying now though, so shagged, and my legs are crampy. Next up, 42km.

21km was a good challenge, now for the real test.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Monday, August 18, 2008
5:08 PM

St. James Powerhouse

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 5:08 PM

Went to St. James Powerhouse on Saturday with 2 friends. It was a really last minute decision made a 1am in the morning while we were chilling out at her place. Really shocking for me, was dozing off in front of the television watching olympics, next moment i was in the car already gg to St. James. Place is ok, music was good.

Can tell why the beng, lian crowd really like it. Lots of girls in skimpy outfits that will take u for a pole, lots of guys that want to be taken as a pole, alcohol, no smoke. Haha, still can't get used to the no-smoking rule. But i was really bothered the whole night by the guys, who had long untidy unkempt hair that was touching their ears, and pass their eyebrows. Unacceptable! haha.

Mings and nicole want to hit zouk this sat. Don't know if i'll be joining them yet. Hope there'll be less bengs. lians are ok.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

NE Trip

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 4:42 PM

Went to a National Education Trip with my battalion last fri, to the Newater plant at Tanah Merah. And guess what, our programme was held together with some K2 kids. Haha, it was really weird, soldiers on one side, and little kids on the other.

So we had just finished watching this introductory video screening, and when it ended, this "head teacher" suddenly stood up, looked at the kids, and said "Ok kids, in 2s, 5..4...3...2...1..". Den one army guy said "Whole lot knock it down". Hilarious. But i thought to myself, i won't be so sure that the army guys can do what the kids did, "falling in", height level, boy-girl boy-girl, in 5 seconds. Really adorable.

I finally ran 16km on Fri! Now for my 21km Army Half marathon this coming Sunday. Target: 2 hrs 30 mins

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Wednesday, August 13, 2008
1:36 AM

This is my sad story

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 1:36 AM

This is My sad story:

I was once with a girl, HL. Really happy to have you and call you mine since 220207.
I knew i loved her alot...because i found her beautiful every single day i saw her, because if not for her i would have given up on my officership dream a long time ago, because she cared for me and knew what i liked to eat, knew what i was thinking, and i always wanted to spend every single minute of my weekend with her.
I knew she loved me alot...because she always cooked the spaghetti and potato soup i loved, because she looked after me when i had the fever, because she never gave up on loving me and forgave me even though i let her down more than once. Dear, i'm sorry.

Perharps i should start with how we started off. It was the start of '07, near the end of our poly studies. I was facing a major issue in school den, i nearly had to give up everything i worked so hard for, i couldn't tell anyone. HL was always there by my side..even though she didn't really know me much at that time. I always wondered why, but i realised it was simply because she really cared, tt's the type of girl she was. I confided in her, she always reassured me, I fell in love with this girl whose heart was made of gold, and had the prettiest biggest brown eyes i've ever seen. Haha..i rmb i always found myself looking at her, den whispering in her ear "ni wei shen mo zhen mo piao liang?" Till this day, i still do that. Haha.

On the eve of Valentine's day '07, i knew that there was no one else i wanted to spend that day with but her. I bought a bouquet of red roses, went to her block downstairs, and at 1155, i called her.."Hey..guess what, i'm under ur block..come down now?" Haha..she thought i was crazy at that point in time. I always nv knew what gave me the courage, perharps it was wanting her to only spend it with me and no one else? I still remember the exact words i said to her. By the time she came down it was precisely the stroke of midnight, the start of valentine's day. I said " The reason i came is because i really wanted to see you, will you..spend today with me and be my valentine?" Haha..at the point in time, i was so afriad she would say no...when she agreed, my heart was filled with joy. Later in that day, we had dinner at Mongolian buffet at clarke quay. And i gave her a locket bracelet, a locket engraved with the words "Nic love Huilin", because i wanted the locket to represent the love that i "stored" for her, and want to treasure. She gave me a harmonica that i alway said i wanted to learn how to play... At that time, we were still not together, but i knew that she was the one i wanted to be mine..

The one yr and 5 months we spent together were filled with trials and tribulations,but joy and happiness as well. Only she could have gave me the happiness i felt, and only i hope i did the same for her as well. We shared many memories together as a couple, going to thailand, she getting into NUS, our first year anniversary, her's and mine 21st bdae celebration, our sentosa siloso resort holiday, my commissioning. Perharps i didn't show that i loved her as much as i did, perharps i didn't hug her tightly enough, often enough, but dear, my love for you, is probably the strongest i ever felt for someone. I'm sorry i didn't do more. But i hope, and know that i always wanted to bring happiness to you, to make you feel like the happiest, luckiest woman, because that's how u make me feel..the happiest luckiest man to have you.

And then, there were certain changes in our lives. Till now, i can't put my finger on it. I made a decision that i regret, that was made because something happened that really disappointed and angered me, that i felt you could say sorry for once. I broke your heart...I can only imagine the hurt you felt. I didn't know that you were sorry, i didn't know how bad you felt and how much u loved me, till i read your blog... y didn't u explain to me. I read your blog too late, and you left me too.

Now, you are with another guy. You want me to let you be, to sort it out yourself. It seems you have changed so much that it hurts. Perharps, it is only fair. But is it really? I dun know. Y did something so small, meant that i lost you to another guy...Dear, how can the HL i know be so different towards me? The girl who always said she loved me, who wanted me to spend my weekends with her only, who cooked for me, and kissed me, and bought my favourite Bengawan Solo walnut bread for me, who can stand me, how can she jus give it all up? Perharps it is my fault..but have you thought for once, that you were in the wrong too......?

To my readers:
I don't know why i'm exposing my inner feelings like this so openly. Guess its apt that my blog is entitled "My inner soul", because i have to put up a facade, a facade to show my men that i am problem-free and a strong officer, a facade to my family that i am ok, a facade to my friends that nothing is affecting me. But all these, is just a facade. By posting this, it is not that i need my friends' consolation, friends' caring words..Its a reminder to myself, to force myself to not to message or call you, to force myself to not think of you, to force myself to not look at your photos and feel sad. Because i have to give you space to do the right thing.

To the one I've loved so deeply, and still continue to do so:
If there is one thing that you can do, it is: To not to give up on us...have that little bit of hope that we can still return to the loving relationship we shared for one and half years but lost because of one small thing. To wake up, and see the one who really loves you, and whom you love. I strongly believe you still have it somewhere in you, because i felt it every second, of every minute, of every hour, of the 1 yr 5 months we were together...

Your Dar Dear always,
Nicholas Lim

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Monday, July 23, 2007
11:45 PM

The best weekend

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 11:45 PM

Ran a high fever in camp on last thursday, which went up to as high as 38.8 degree celsius. Thought my weekend was ruined, and i really felt like dying. My headache was throbbing, cold spells came and went over me, and i was just in alot of pain. Then my baby came over immediately after work on fri to sponge me until my temp dropped to about 37 degrees. Thanks dear, for taking such good care of me, and making me feel much better with you around. Really felt loved that u came by after work, and spent the next 2 days looking after me and making sure everything was comfortable and taking care of all my needs.

Then on sat, she brought me to Crystal Jade Ginseng Chicken and BBQ for dinner! Said it was my advance birthday present. For those who do not know, my birthday on the 30th of this month will be spent chiong swuay-ing. The Korean Ginseng soup was really good for my cold, instantly warmed me up. And the rest of the food was really delicious. A great place for those looking for a korean fix. Ha..must be one of the most memorable and special dinners in my life.

Dear, i feel really lucky to have you in my life. Seeing how you slowly sponged and nursed me back to health, taking care of me, waking up in the middle of the night to make sure i take my medicine, making me feel optimistic all the time, always putting me first and reserving all your weekends for me, i really appreciate it. Even though i was very sick at the start of this weekend, it will be one of the most memorable weekend i have had, for the care you have for me, and the birthday dinner you planned for me. Muack muack.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Tuesday, April 10, 2007
1:03 PM

About Her

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 1:03 PM

"Michelle, michelle, what's ur friend's name?" That's how i knew her. And it remained that way for 3 years. The ben-nu-ren-walking-around-school-looking-so-blur-that-she-could-bang-into-a-wall-anytime..haha. but she's pretty, sexy, smart. (must balance things out in case she is reading this). heh. Anyway, i was happily attached during this 3 years, and likewise, she was happily attached too, and we were from different majors, hence we never got to knew each other. Had her for 3 years in my msn, and one day, after all the hustle and bustle of TP life, i clicked on her.......

You are unlike any girl i met before. You make me want to call u in the middle of the night..you make me wanna take the longer route when i send you home just so i talk to you for just a little longer. Sometimes, i wonder what it could've been like if we had met earlier. I'm going into army soon, so many couples have been unable to withstand this test, couples who have lasted for years, the years of memories forsaken... Especially during the 3 months confinement period in BMT. I won't be able to protect you, be there for you, to share your excitement when you enter uni, to help you realise your dreams, to tell you everything's gonna be alright.

A part of me feels like just being selfish, to ask you to stupidly wait these 2 years for me. A part of me feels that i shouldn't feel that way, as i shouldn't hold you back when in uni there will be guys, guys better for you than me. Dear, sometimes when i look at you and see how happy we are together, i feel like just putting aside all common sense to tell you to wait for me, cause i know you are the one for me. Remember u once told me it feels like a dream? I still feel that way. U have came into my life, made me a happier man (even though you are unreasonable and naughty at times), and i guess i really treasure you alot. Wo jue de wo you teng ni de ze ren, rang ni zuo zui kuai le, zui dan chun de ren. Muack.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Friday, April 06, 2007
8:01 PM

Ah pek

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 8:01 PM

Was walking home late one night when i saw this old man in his 70s, hunched over, plastic bags slinged over his shoulder, with a slight dragging of his feet, on his way home too. I looked at him, trying to imagine what he was going through..

Were his shoulders hunched because of the burdens each man has to carry through his life? Was he once like us, walking tall and proud. Would the rigours of life made us frail? Maybe he didn't have anything to lo0k forward to anymore. When we are 70, do we really..really.. still have anything to look forward to? Did he have a wife to go home to? And if he did, would he still be excited to see his wife? Has his children left him to start their own family, and left him behind in their life..? Did he still have to work long hours in the day, exploited by employers who take him for cheap labour, but yet he can't gripe because he knows that society no longer values him?

I really wonder..what a 70 yr old man goes through.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Friday, December 29, 2006
3:14 PM

The festive period

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 3:14 PM

Hey guys! Havent blogged in a really long time. I realised that lots of, all rather everyone who blogs, vets his/her entry after finishing them. However, just wanna let you know that my blogs are unedited, and i try to keep it as frank, as in-your-face as possible. Hence, the language and the typos.

Its the festive season again, the time of the year where the lonely feel even more lonely, the rich get poorer, the poor get poorer, the loved gets more loved, the beautiful get beautifu-er, the fat get fatter, and the realisation that all of our past year's resolutions have not been met yet again.

"what have you accomplished this year?". In life, we tend to just run through it, feeling busy, stressed, routine, feeling up through "achievements", and going through periods of downs. Look back, and wonder, are all these significant at the end of the year? What has happened the past year? Am i going to go through this year after year? Sure, we have aced exams, fucked more, drank more, made more friends, but have we become a better person out of it? or a lesser one? Is these all there is to life?

Have you enriched someone's else life? Have you became the source of happiness to someone? Have you found faith in religion? Have you found something that you are truly happy in doing? And if your answers to these questions are yes, is this year considered a fruitful year for you? i think not.

That's the nature of humans. We are always striving for perfection. But perfection is an illusion, not achievable in our lifetime. Perfection is a dream, created by memories of past granduer and seemingly glorious achievements we had. My friends, most of us are 19-22 now, 1/4 of our lives has came and gone just like that. We have gotten our degrees, our A levels, our diplomas, our gfs/bfs, but so? Next we will be striving for the car, the job, the house, and then?

I guess life's a hard journey. And when i pass away, do i want to remember it as a hard journey? When i lie on my deathbed, do i wanna sigh thinking that life's been long. The importance of life changes with age, what we wanna achieve is never ending and often changing. We may gain satisfaction and happiness out of one thing, but this feeling is temporary, and fleeting. The next day, it may no longer be of significance to us. So how then, is happiness is life gained? Or rather, how should we live our lifes so that it is "enriched"?

To me, living life is about enriching the life's of others, and not one's own life. Because more often than not, it is impossible to enrich "completely" one's own life, but possible to enrich the life's of others.
So go out there, be more selfless, be more generous, put a smile on the face of the person next to you, hug them, kiss them, hold them , comfort them, joke with them, feel for them, think like them, be less arrogant, be less unapproachable. And when they say i love you back, tt's what life is about. And that is what the festive period is about..isn't it?

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Friday, September 08, 2006
11:04 PM

When given a difficult task

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 11:04 PM

There's 2 ways (and hence 2 types of people) to react when given a daunting a task. One, is to give up and ridicule the difficulty involved in accomplishing the task. The other, is to take it up as a chance to shine, to lead, to show what you are made up of.. i happen to be the latter. Are u?

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

Research at NUS

Blogged by.. nicryanlim @ 2:23 PM

Its my 1 week break now after my final exams, before my attachment Temasek Life Sciences Lab at NUS commences next week. By the way , my principal investigator is Dr Sergei Prokopenko, and i will be carrying out research on "Molecular Pathways Regulating Cytokinesis in Drosophila Melanogaster". Oh my god, its so exciting! It involves neuroblasts( which are blast cells which develop into brain and the CNS) ( blast cells are stem cells u idiot), and how by inducing chemical and genetic mutations could affect neurogenesis. I'm elated that i got something i'm really interested in! i know people in SMU, NAPFA etc don't share my excitement, but man, i'm so looking forward to seeing whether this research life is what i would like to do for a career. And with a investigator who's name is Dr Sergei Prokopenko, man. that is a Nobel Prize winning name! haha. So it has been all good.

I was frustrated when Camy commented that i'm not doing enough with my life, and that i am a lazy bummer, and she started comparing me with her class mates who have already started their own businesses outside of school and stock trading, and giving tuition and building up their wealth and portfolio. These guys are studying in SMU, are 23+ and apparently very driven. She says i don't have dreams and targets. ( FYI, if i am studying in SMU, 23+, i would be doing the same).

How can i have a girl who doesn't believe in me? What has this 3 years meant if she didn't even know my thoughts, my dreams, what i have done, the long journey laid with difficulties i had to go through? First and foremost, currently i am a scientific researcher.. I am not a business or econs student. It is something i might pursue in the future, but for now my job is to gather scientific knowlege, perform research, be curious and intuitive about the research and study at hand. Scientific research is long, non-rewarding, tedious, and often difficult, but ultimately rewarding. For those looking for monetary rewards, this is not what you should be doing. Science is about passion, about approaching the research at hand which your knowlege and applying the knowlege which you have spent numerous nights acquiring. And this is what i am about. Money is not everything for me. It used to be, but until i realised Scientific research is about pure passion and discovering the unknown. Do you know that a typical drug takes 12 years to develop before it can be developed? And many test drugs do not even make it through the lab testing and clinical trial phase and the project must be prematurely terminated at maybe 5 years? Similarly, for stem cell research and gene expression research, there's millions of genes to explore, stem cells have great potential but are presently not well characterised, the work we do will not garner monetary rewards in the short time, but are precusors for the future development and well being of the human species. This is what i find meaningful, it's my passion. For now, i do not find buying stocks, or managing a company of 30 people, or building my investment portfolio meaningful. It is meaningless. I hope u guys understand this.

During my exams, my target was to put all my effort and time into my final exams to push up my GPA. Nothing else. For my 6 month attachment at NUS, my goal is to successfully conduct the research programme in a state of the art laboratory, interact and pick on the minds of top international professors, in addition to going to the gym more often. Sure, i may not be building up my wealth etc, but that is not my immediate aim right now! y doesn't she understand tt?

I've set targets all my life, more especially so when i left TJC and my dreams of being a medical surgeon were shattered. To all u guys, i am proud of what i have achieved. I am very proud. I finally am completing my coursework after 3 years fraught with challenges. I was so down but not out, and now i have something that i can be proud about. 3 years ago, I set my mind to making the best out of my poly studies. Most weaker beings would't have made it. Sure I may be taking a longer and slower route, but not many people realise this road is much tougher being longer, and finally i can say " YES! I did it! I've did myself and my parents proud. I've proved to my friends who have always believed in me that Nicholas da Handsome is back and rocking baby!" Nobody can take that away from me. In fact, i have received my results for 3 of my 5 papers of my final exams. I got 3 As..if i don't get any Cs for the remaining 2 subjects, my GPA would improve dramatically. Together with my attachment grade, i should have a fighting chance of getting into NUS, NTU, SMU, australian uni, uni of melb. So why are u taking this away from me?! ( this is the admission criteria for dip entry to NUS: 20% O levels, 75% Dip, 5% CCA. 20% o level!)

U say that u always see me at home slacking. But that is only for this week. This week is my onli week of rest..before my research at NUS commences. 9-630 ( 12 hr). 5 days a week, for 6 months. Do u realise that a science course is THE toughest course in any institution. The long hours we put in school? Its tougher than any business, arts course there is.

The 3 years were characterised by staying back in school till 8pm ( with my best poly mate Paul..thanks man) just to finish projects, the numerous lab reports i had to write, the weekly tests, and exams i had to crank my head through, the numerous passions such as soccer which i had to forgo. 3 long years of that, has made me stronger, and i'm proud of what i did. Sure, i still have NS and uni, but do u understand that for now, i have nearly completed my poly studies with results i can be proud of, and tell my parents and friends " u guys may be ahead of me, but i will meet u at the end?" Do u know that means alot to me, since i was deceremoniously expelled? If i think the way u do " Oh its such a long journey, it'll take up too much time, all ur friends are ahead of u", i would have killed myself and given up long ago.

I like to view myself as someone who's been through really difficult times, and worked slowly but surely through it. Sometimes i feel really old, some friends commented i look and think older than my 20 yrs of age, and i think this 3 years have really taken their toll on me. I feel tired, but I want to succeed. Life's about making the most success out of it, isn't it? Each of us only have 90 years to make a difference, so do your best. Friends and loved ones, always believe in me k.

MY LIFE,MY STYLE

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Introductory

Name:NiCholAS lim
Naked Entrance:thirty|zero||seven|one|nine|eight|six
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++ I don't set my goals, I score them ++

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E-mail:NiCamy_Lim@hotmail.com
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